Christmas Tree Without Cussing

Is that possible?  Putting up a real tree without profanity?  "Hold it this way.  #&$*  That way.  &$(@  It's not straight.  #&%  The screws of the stand are rusty.  $#*&  I'm covered with tree sap.$#*%"  Well, it is up and decorated on our porch.  No room in the house for a tree that big.  They always look smaller in the forest than inside, don't they?  This year our tree is compliments of President Obama.  We're suppose to get a $5 permit to go into the Chequamegon National Forest to cut down a Christmas tree.  We didn't.  We have turned into rebels in our retirement.  Soon we'll be buying Harleys.